Dead Man Walking

Dead Man Walking

10 I want to know Christ, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11 and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead. (Philippians 3:10-11)

My heart is heavy with anticipation today. There is a lot to press into. A lot to battle over. A tremendous amount of heaviness in which to partake. Believers who have lost their ways. Unbelievers who can't seem to find The Way. The anticipation stems from needing to hear from God. Not so much needing to hear, but wanting to hear, yearning to hear; To feel His presence, to know Him and be known by Him. That I may be fully acquainted with His nature, His character, His work, His hand.  It is my chief object of desire. Through trial and tribulation over the past 2 years, and essentially being torn from myself in the past 8 months, I have grown very uneasy and disappointed with what I have to offer to Christ and what I have been able to offer to a lost and dying world. I have been, for the majority of my Christian life, a dead man walking, devoid of true faith, hope, joy, and peace. And in my pursuit of God, or shall I say, in His pursuit of me, my eyes have been opened to a dead man standing, staring me in the face as my life has been placed before my eyes. To know Christ, to know the power of His resurrection, requires that I must participate in His sufferings and become like Him in His death. I see now that this yearning to know Christ requires my full participation and attentiveness to these matters. And yet, I sense the coming to the end of myself, in which my plea is that I taste of His sufferings and anguish and death that I might taste of Him. As the psalmist proclaimed, Taste and see that the Lord is good... He continues by exhorting us to find our sufficiency in the Lord, Blessed is the one who takes refuge in Him. To take refuge is to hide myself in His holiness. To be in such a presence requires that I must be willing to put an end to myself. That I must be willing to murder my flesh and die to my old man, stripping myself of the dead man and prostrating myself, naked, before God, that He might clothe me with His majesty, His grace, His love, His very character.

My eyes have been opened to this dead man I call self, and I am still yet grieved by the dead body we call the Church. We are as yet dead men walking. Failing to put our faith into action. Failing to want to know Christ in such a way that we are willing to put an end to those things that hinder us and way us down. Willing to partake in anguish, and suffering, and death in order to know the True and Living God. Unashamed to live a life set apart….

….And so today I have made my decision…

And I make it publically so as to never be able to turn back without shame and remorse. Today, I have decided that I will follow Jesus, even to the cross, even unto the point of death. As afraid I am to utter these words, I know that this proclamation is necessary in order that I might meet God in a new way. It makes no difference to me if the world or even the body of Christ forsakes me. It makes no difference to me if I am mocked and ridiculed, if my brethren forsake me, if the body of Christ calls me a fool. Let it be known today that I have decided to kill the old man, to murder my flesh, to throw off everything that hinders me, and to press on to the High Calling of God. No turning back, no turning back!

.:La Chula:.