Always as Clear as Mud: Death To Self

Thursday, May 7, 2015

Death To Self

I willingly submit to You today Lord.
I willingly submit to Your plan for my life and the life of my family.
I willingly submit my husband and children to you.
I willingly submit our health, our spiritual well-being, our physical well-being, our emotional well-being, our finances, our home, our future, all of our possessions, Lord, they are Yours.
I was a fool to have ever believed that they were mine.
I am a fool for not willingly submitting to You, as you have beckoned my heart so many times.

Lord, take my life, it is yours for the taking.
Strip me, mold me, humble me, break me, crucify my flesh.
"I have been crucified with Christ," Paul proclaimed, but never have I.
I am a weak and lowly man,
Without brokenness, without shame.
You came into this world to save sinners, of who I am the chief.
There is nothing good inside of me apart from You.
I am full of pride, full of self, full of death.
I am tired of being who I am.
I am tired of being my own god.

And so it is Lord, I willingly submit to you today.
Let the world call me a fool.
I have decided to follow You and You alone.
Upon that Old Rugged Cross I place my life.
Nail it there Lord, and never allow me to take it back.
Nevertheless Lord, into Thy hands I commit my life.

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I set up this blog some time ago in hopes that I might begin to exhort and encourage and comfort other Believers through my struggles (1 Cor 14:3) In hopes that they might find comfort in my struggles and therefore confidence in the God that we serve. This blog has risen from the muddy waters I so often find myself in. I have struggled to hear the voice of God and feel His breath against my cheek. I have struggled to feel the very beating of His heart and to find the quiet confidence in Him I have had in the past. Most of my walk with Him has been in complete darkness. I have struggled to understand when He is speaking and when it is me hoping that I hear His voice. I have struggled to understand when it is God moving and when it is me hoping that He is moving. In reality, I have had to learn to walk by faith because my sight is so often as clear as mud. And yet, amidst these muddy waters, God has been faithful to speak to me. To remind me that I should walk by faith and not by sight (2 Cor 5:7). To remind me that though life so often seems as clear as mud I need to step out confidently and boldly even when there is seemingly no place to set my foot. God has taught me to be still and to wait on Him. I have learned through Psalm 23 to literally sit back and watch the show. I have learned through Lamentations 3 to sit back quietly and confidently and wait for God to reveal His character. I have learned through Psalm 46 to still myself in order that He might reveal Himself as the True and Living God. God speaks to me through writing. He pours out His Spirit and it overflows on the pages of my life. My prayer is that these humble excerpts, though they come through muddy waters, will cause you to draw near to God. And so...

¹⁴For this reason I kneel before the Father, ¹⁵from whom every familyin heaven and on earth derives its name. ¹⁶I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, ¹⁷so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, ¹⁸may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, ¹⁹and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
²⁰Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,²¹to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
(Ephesians 3:14-21)