Always as Clear as Mud: Nevertheless, I Live

Thursday, May 7, 2015

Nevertheless, I Live

In order to live I must experience death.
In order to breath I must experience the loss of breath.
In order to serve I must live a life that is no longer my own.
In order to thrive I must realize that this place is no longer my home.

I was a fool
Dead inside
Carnal
Devoid of life
The power that I had been given
I dismissed in vain
Striving for something my flesh could never attain

The Crucified One, The Holy One of God, Mashiach, King, The Afflicted One
You bore the cross for my sins
Wholly submitted
Humbly committed
Never making a defense
The Yielded and Surrendered Son

Here I am, Lord
I beseech Thee My Master, come soon
Murder my flesh
I no longer want a life of my own

Doulos, Bondservant
Slave of the Most High
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the House of The Lord
Than to dwell with the wicked who struggle and strive
My life is no longer mine
I give up, Take it, It is Yours
I submit Lord,
I die to myself
So that I might live in You forevermore.

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I set up this blog some time ago in hopes that I might begin to exhort and encourage and comfort other Believers through my struggles (1 Cor 14:3) In hopes that they might find comfort in my struggles and therefore confidence in the God that we serve. This blog has risen from the muddy waters I so often find myself in. I have struggled to hear the voice of God and feel His breath against my cheek. I have struggled to feel the very beating of His heart and to find the quiet confidence in Him I have had in the past. Most of my walk with Him has been in complete darkness. I have struggled to understand when He is speaking and when it is me hoping that I hear His voice. I have struggled to understand when it is God moving and when it is me hoping that He is moving. In reality, I have had to learn to walk by faith because my sight is so often as clear as mud. And yet, amidst these muddy waters, God has been faithful to speak to me. To remind me that I should walk by faith and not by sight (2 Cor 5:7). To remind me that though life so often seems as clear as mud I need to step out confidently and boldly even when there is seemingly no place to set my foot. God has taught me to be still and to wait on Him. I have learned through Psalm 23 to literally sit back and watch the show. I have learned through Lamentations 3 to sit back quietly and confidently and wait for God to reveal His character. I have learned through Psalm 46 to still myself in order that He might reveal Himself as the True and Living God. God speaks to me through writing. He pours out His Spirit and it overflows on the pages of my life. My prayer is that these humble excerpts, though they come through muddy waters, will cause you to draw near to God. And so...

¹⁴For this reason I kneel before the Father, ¹⁵from whom every familyin heaven and on earth derives its name. ¹⁶I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, ¹⁷so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, ¹⁸may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, ¹⁹and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
²⁰Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,²¹to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
(Ephesians 3:14-21)

Thursday, May 7, 2015

Nevertheless, I Live

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